The baker wheeled out Harland’s baked face and body from the kitchen to the living room. ‘What a cake! You’ve outdone yourself this time Freddy.’ ‘Yes it shows off your face in such a way, I personally couldn’t have done better on this one.’ Harland walked around the cake that centred in the middle of the room. ‘I have one thing to say, why did I have to be naked for the building of the cake?’ ‘Monsieur, were you not comfortable with us being naked? The cake tastes better this way’ a prolonged ‘yes’ came from Harland’s throat, followed by ‘but why did you and the rest of your staff have to be naked?’ Freddy paused for a moment and then said ‘awe’ Freddy replied as quickly as his mouth would let him ‘it is a French custom!’ ‘I see’ Harland said suspiciously.
The cake was for a party like no other. It was to show off Harland’s wealth in high society and with it came silks, throws and girls. He, however, was not into girls. Harland was and always had been gay. But in Victorian Society this was not allowed so, he like many gay men would be bachelors.
The party was a vibrant affair, women with masks, men with erect postures. It showed the silks to eloquently thrown over shoulders and wrapped around necks. However, one thing remained untouched by the partygoers, the cake.
Harland didn’t know what to do with the cake, without proper storage the icing would melt and the cake would go hard. He pondered on it for a while but took little time considering how much he had spent of the freshly made face of himself. Instead, he went for a walk.
‘Beautiful day’ as he met the cold Christmas air. He walked through the market. At the end of the marketplace was a purple tent, decorated with eyes. He wandered in, only to be met with a fortune teller. The old spinster looked up at Harland and cracked through her voice ‘will it be fortune or will it be the fortune of the dead you seek’ ‘Practiced that a lot have we’ Harland snapped back with a grin. ‘sit down and stop smirking’ the woman replied. ‘I will sell you something that will change your small world’ she ran her hand over a sliver ball that stood on a four-legged gold stand. ‘okay, I’ll humour you.’ Harland sat down on the rickety old chair opposite to the Crohn. ‘This ball will show you the future, while you hold on your person will keep you forever young’ ‘so what happened to you? Did you lose it for 50 years or something?’
Harland stubbles out of the tent with his newfound passion. He walks back through the market and towards his house. As he did, he thoroughly analysed the ball and the stand it stood on. On the bottom of the stand next to the Hasbro sign said: ‘The one wish, comes at a price.’ entering his house he cupped the ball and whispered downwards, ‘I wish to be forever beautiful and have lots of money’ the cake in the dining room groaned and started spitting up blood. Harland rushed to the cake ‘are you going to give me unlimited wealth?’ the cake gargled ‘No, you prat, I’m ageing’. He dipped his finger into the hardening icing. ‘hey! what you doing!’ the cake exclaimed, as Harland put his finger into his dry mouth. ‘You taste of nothing’ he slowly looked down at where he had probed the cake, ‘you have maggots!’ he screamed and jumped back into an upright position. ‘you’re going straight in the bin!’ ‘aww snickers!’ the cake said damningly. Harland irritated that his new cake had already gone bad, paused for a second. ‘what is snickers?!’ the cake groaned once more and said ‘It’s a chocolate bar, use the ball and see for yourself.’ Elated by his new discovery. Harland pulled out the ball from his pocket and looked down. ‘Today has been an emotional day so far, I want to see what a snickers are’ the cake looked over and said ‘you don’t have to be such a toff about it, you need not rhyme every time.’ The ball in Harland’s hand span around and then showed Harland what a Snickers was. ‘Show me what food is like in the future!’ The silver ball span once more and showed Harland a chicken leg covered in its offspring being breaded and dipped into a fryer.
And that lady’s and gentlemen is the true story of KFC.
